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Make me happy.

Its not often i make a post that is reflective of myself, but at the end of last year i felt very much in a rut. Struggling with motivation, my attitude with my job, and other people. One of my cats, Little Dotty was also killed by a car which didn’t help matters. I was becoming very anxious, depressed and self deprecating again, feeling i wasn’t worthy of even feeling a little bit happy.
So I began to try and find me something that made me happy, a few failed hobbies later and what could only be described as an unhealthy worry about and hoarding of money. I thought, what used to make me happy, years ago, before i had this dreaded Adult responsibilities. And why am i not doing it.?

Well, producing art makes me happy. Since i left uni (I did an illustration degree) I had barely produced any art, and what i did do wasn’t thoughtful or challenging to me at all, it was just copying photos or drawing wax crayon robots. So i forced myself, and my forcing i suddenly found my creative mind kicking off the cobwebs and shaking off the dust. This was October and since i have produced more art which i am proud of, and written more original fictional work than i have since i was 10. And i love it! I feel satisfied, when I’m doing it i think “I don’t want to stop!” so it is rather disappointing when i have to go to work.

The second is my animals. I’m ashamed to admit that, as i live with my parents still (another bone of contention) i began to only provide the bare minimum for them as i know Mum or Dad would do it, as i chose sleeping and staring into space worrying. Which is depressing in it’s self, because i love animals. Build a bond with one and you will have a non judgemental, affectionate friend for as long as they live. So when i got home from work, i started hanging out with them more, lots of being piled under guinea pigs on the sofa, laying on the rug with the cat.It took me back to one of them most simple pleasures of pet ownership. Making, and seeing them happy. Makes me happy too. Angels never tiring of the peek-a-boo hunting game, where in she pulls hilarious faces.

The guinea pigs popcorning during floor time and their violent conversation over a big pile of fresh hay whilst they dive into it.

Hearing the fire bellied toads talking at night and having a mini, real time rainforest soundtrack in my room at night.

And Duke … Who loves to get into an empty bathtub, and barrel roll up and down it, purring so loud you can feel the vibrations and padding the air.

That. Is what makes me happy.