In response to the photo challange : vibrant
Nothing like some fluorescent plastic to brighten up my day.
I have finally gotten myself around to scanning this!
A larger version can be found here: http://zompaws.deviantart.com/art/El-ahrairah-586730435?ga_submit_new=10%253A1453763493
more art to come soon!
All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed. – Richard Adams, Watership down
Watership down is my favorite book. I shall ever be irked that it is sold as a children’s book just because its about Rabbits. If the characters were people it would be far from child friendly. I first read it by myself at 10, I barely understood half the vocabulary used. A gentleman at my art club today described it was “a reflection of the human condition but through Rabbits” which I feel is quite accurate in a way. It certainly is about how we still fight our hardships and celebrate their victory though we know it…
View original post 35 more words
I do this every year i think, either the end of January or in February. Unfortunately I cannot promise myself I can get back into blogging, I will try as I do enjoy it.
However I am struggling …
I have SAD, I am 28 years old, I earn a minimum wage, I have to commute 2 hours a day for work, I live with my parents. One of which is so stressed and Anxious that on a daily basis I find it harder and harder to tolerate them, no matter how hard I try to support and take the load off of them. The other is an alcohol dependent depressive who no matter how hard we try to support, help and love just gets drunker and more distant. I have an adult brother also in the house who doe’s nothing to contribute to keep things going. I can’t afford to move closer to work as it’s in the commuter belt for London, I cant afford to move anywhere closer to home due to to how much i need to spend on my commute. For the last three years I have failed to find work closer to home.
I have also for the last two months been suffering Heart palpitations and shortness of breath, especially when I hear any of my other family members talking to each other as I an honestly anticipating yet another argument which will end in door slamming. I have psoriasis on my scalp flaring up and down, and have chewed my nails down to stumps. I know how stressed and depressed I am, and short of going to the Dr’s and being put on antidepressants too, which I really do not wish for, I feel so hideously stuck and incapable.
I have no near by friends I can escape too, the most enjoyable part of the day is sitting in my car by myself.
I can honestly say I felt this low was probably when I was a confused fourteen year old trying to find their place in the world. Or potentially when I was at university being stood in a room full of people and still being the outsider looking in.
I stopped with the art at the end of last year and concentrated on my animals as they at least are non judgmental sounding boards that I can too for companionship and joy. I have begun to get back into it now, but there is a staleness there that I need to get over first.
I do have things to share, I have got a half complete video on using ball point pen for drawing, and some part drafted artistic influences posts, along with many little doodles to share. Infact I would suggest heading to my Instagram for an arty overview (also some Cats and Guinea Pigs!)
I shall get there …
But in the summer perhaps.
Is, for the first time I am using masking fluid with water colours. Currently I’m wondering how I ever did without! I am also revisiting painting the negative space, so far I’m finding it far easier that painting the positive for undergrowth. Let’s hope I continue as happy with these as I am at the moment.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Pens and Pencils.”
I really like writing by hand, I mean really like it. It makes me feel all satisfied and accomplish when I do. It’s also far more social I find. At university, if i was sitting in a lecture, or if now, im writing some of my stories or animal care/husbandry articles in the same room as a family member. It is so much more pleasant to do it over a piece of paper or a note book, rather than having your face hidden behind a screen as you tappa, tappa away. I last wrote an extensive amount (about 8,000 words) by hand back in the summer. I am regularly getting nagged by my manager at work for writing on paper, rather than using the computer based organizers/diaries/documents that are supplied. Apparently it makes the desk messy!
Nearly all my lengthy blog posts are hand written first.
Admittedly, nearly anything I write by hand is eventually then typed up, but the thought is there.
So todays promt is a great one.
A few weeks ago, I was helping my Mum change the bed clothes. We got onto talking about how there is nothing worse than farting in bed, and then shifting the covers so the smell gets out. I then told her about how I recently woke myself up, by farting.
She started to laugh, I started to laugh, and couldn’t stop. I was crying and actually dribbling a bit at one point.
You are never to old for a good fart joke!
My Mum is a childminder, and has been for years. Its half term at the moment and foolishly, by mistake i booked a weeks annual leave to coincide. So it means that every morning with out fail i will be woken up, being asked to come and help do something for or with the kids.
Yesterday it was to help sew up holes and fixings of old doll clothes. After two hours of sewing the frayed edges of hundreds of sparkly pink made of awful material i found some rather loud fabric in the sewing box. They were old pockets taken off a skirt of my Mums.
So i decided to get a little more creative and have a go at making some dresses!
As a child i never played with dolls, but loved making them outfits so it was a really
fun, therapeutic albeit brain-achey trip down memory lane. Not amazingly constructed as im no seamstress. And by the time i finished the shorter dress i was getting a headache. And in hindsight Barbie sized dresses may not have been the easiest start.
But the girls who mum looks after liked them, especially the beads, and it was a fun way to pass the day!
I was, a chronic nail biter, skin biter and occasional skin picker. I also, used to eat my own hair. I haven’t bitten my nails for eighteen months, after biting my nails for twenty one years.
I have only recently discovered that the correct terms are Onychophagia and Dermatophagia are considered obsessive compulsive/anxiety disorders. I have bitten my nails since I could clearly remember, but my Mum has told me that it coincided with then I began preschool. As I have always been a extreme introvert, and a terrible worrier and quite an anxious sort. I suspect the nail/finger biting was a physical manifestation of all that was going on in my three year old brain. I also used to eat my nails after biting them off … perhaps I have mild Pica?
Over the years I have tried repeatedly to stop. I’ve had my fingers dipped in aftershave, mustard and that bitter varnish, which achieves nothing. As eventually I get used to the taste and just continued. So on i went, munching and crunching my way through my fingers and hair.
In 1999 a Girl died after surgery to remove a hairball, of her own hair from her stomach. This absolutely petrified me, watching it on the news and I almost instantly stopped hair eating, taking the occasional nibble for a few more months until I stopped. I didn’t want a hairball! I remember Mum saying, “Is it going to take someone dying from having a ball of their own nails to stop you nail biting?” I can’t remember if I agreed or not and continued to chomp.
Over the years I had a few successes in growing one or two nails, before gnawing them and the attached fingers to bloodied stumps. I was at my most down at University and just chewed and chewed and chewed, the chewing also spread to biting the insides of my mouth and lips.
I was, eventually getting to a point where, not only where my hands in a lot of pain, but i was also embarrassed at the state of my fingers. For nine years i had a number of catering jobs, and it looks awful when you have to serve a plate holding a tea towel to hide the fact your fingers are bleeding, because you chewed the nail to short waiting up in the kitchen for service. Fingers are also a place that like to bleed! So on occasion, after covering myself with sticking plasters, there would still be blood leaking down my fingers and hands.
Being stressed at work (I waitressed in a hotel for two years and it was hell!) I decided to make a change. That it how I ended up working at an animal rescue center at weekends . I stopped biting my mouth, and I stopped picking my fingers. The job gave me a real sense of satisfaction and I really loved it. The only issue which cropped up again was the biting. Firstly I was fully aware how unhygienic it was. Cleaning cages, touching animals, doing gardening, and then popping my fingers into my mouth. I was also aware at how terrible it must have appear to potential pet adopters when the woman holding the guinea pig was getting her own blood over the poor animal, as well as herself, and a customer should she pass it over to them to hold.
Eighteen months ago I started work at the rescue full time, I was cleaning out some rabbits, went to have a finger nibble, and ended up with a mouthfull of urine soaked dirt, and possibly a bit of poo. I decided then It would be in every ones best interests to just stop. So I stopped. If i broke a nail, i would literally be crying with the amount of will power it took to cut it rather than just rip it off with my teeth. I had a slight relapse in September, which lasted to December, after My cat got hit by a car, and then I had some work issues, but I managed to just cut my nails with clippers and pick a little at the skin. Which was a miracle to me.
Not bitten again since Christmas, I’ve picked a little at my index fingers, but I am really proud of myself. It’s a hard, hard habit to break, more so because it is not something you ever consciously do … you just do it. I don’t think i’ll ever stop picking the skin completely, but only time will tell.
Also It now means i can paint them pretty colours!
Other posts from todays prompt!
In response to this weeks photo challenge.
One would think with my recent posts the subject is my paintbrushes. In truth its my few euro, battered replica of Tolkiens one ring, which i bought in a dusty little jewellery shop on a Greek harbour. Probably when the first lord of the rings movie came out so 12ish years ago. Its precious (pun not intended) to me as my late grandfather gave me the spending money for the holiday. Also I’ve been a lifelong Tolkien fan. My father read me a very abridged version of the Hobbit when i was about 4.
I feel completely naked and lost not wearing it.
So, during my lunch break at work this afternoon, i get a notification through saying that aleniaban had nominated me for a Liebster award. Which is kinda cool.
The Liebster award is for blogs & bloggers who have, maybe just started out, and to reach out to an audience, to blogs you perhaps would not have looked at. It’s a little way of saying “Good job you” or it could be an utter annoyance … you’re choice!
Here are the rules for Liebster Award :
1. Each nominee must link back the person who nominated them.
2. Answer the 10 questions which are given to you by the nominator.
3. Nominate 10 other bloggers for this award who have less than 200 followers.
4. Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
5. Let the nominees know that they have been nominated by going to their blog and notifying them.
So, here are my answers to my nominators Q’s!
1. What’s your preferred mode of transportation?
Car or my own two feet!
2. Have you imagined yourself what you are right now?
Very nearly! I wantedto be a vet or a zoo keeper. I care for domestic animals at a shelter, so its close.
3. If you have one thing that needs to be done today, what would it be?
Clip my guinea pigs claws!
4. What language do you wish you could speak fluently?
Greek! i holiday in Greece yearly, so to able to converse would be cool.
5. What’s your kind of day?
Quiet, calm, outside, warm but not to hot. Listening to music and doing some painting 🙂
6. What would you tell your least favorite teacher right now?
” My ‘silly-ness’ got me a degree, and a job i love. Suck it you witch.” or something to that effect.
7. Would you change anything about yourself?
Be less pessimistic. Or taller.
8. Dog or cat?
Cat all the way.
9. Do you believe in faith?
In religious faith, no. Believe in having faith in some thing, yes.
10. Have you witnessed a miracle?
No …. unless i’m counting Jasmine flowering tea the first time i saw it. That was pretty miraculous.
Here are my nominations
Questions for my Nominees
1: What was your favorite childhood cartoon/comic?
2: What was the first film you remember seeing at the cinema?
3: Can you balance a spoon on your nose? (If not give it a go!)
4: Do you dream often?
5: Do you have a particular scent which triggers a memory to you?
6: Eat, or skip breakfast?
7: Do you have any phobias?
8: Have you learned to swim?
9: Broken any bones?
10: Your greatest passion in life is ….?